It’s been some time since I’ve written on this blog, but a lot has happened in my life. I’ve shifted cities out of Mumbai, yes, the one thing I thought I’d never do. But hey, I have a hope, a promise of returning back to Mumbai in 4, max 5 years.
Shifting houses was not easy, it was more about the emotional knowledge that I’m leaving Mumbai than the physical discomfort. Mumbai has grown on me, as a native resident of the metropolis, I know places where it’s not just the big city. Mumbai has a rich history, one that is slightly visible at the Bandra Fort, the Worli Fort, the innumerable sea faces and the chawls. Yes, the chawls might look ugly and not so exciting from the outside (or rather from the top, because let’s be real, no one goes inside the chawl if you are not brave enough).
But the chawls house the spirit of Mumbai. The slums house the power of Mumbai. There are just so many people in Mumbai, when you get to the train station, you don’t differentiate between one person and the next. Everyone is the same, everyone is equal.
I have been a reluctant train user in my college days. I remember the first time I went to the train station, it was Matunga Station with my college friends. I went to drop them off at the platform, because what else do you have to do right?
Anyways, when coming down from the foot-over-bridge, having dropped my friends, I was intercepted by the notorious Mumbai Ticket collector. I didn’t even realise what happened, he had to ask me 2-3 times. And I kept saying, hey I didn’t travel by train. I don’t even live anywhere far, I live in Five Gardens. So you got to help me out here. Well, he was adamant on punishing me, which, in retrospect might have to do more with his quota of catching X number of offenders. But I sat there, obviously not having the Rs. 500 that he expected me to cough up. I remember calling a few friends to ask them for money, obviously, no one was willing to lend me as much at the time.
Remember Rs. 500 then is more like 1500 now, and if I were 16 now, I’d be averse to just lending that money to someone else. Right?
Anyways, coming back to Mumbai, as a city, it’s one of the most beautiful ones. Yes, there’s a lot of pollution, and that’s one thing that’s significantly lower in Bhubaneswar. But people who live in Mumbai, especially if you have a house on the seaface, know it’s real charm. Mumbai can be lovely, and yes, there’s traffic, yes, there’s construction, but you go to learn where to look. Every city has its flaws, BBSR is well… to be fair… almost pathetic. BBSR feels like Mumbai was 20 years ago, but without the public places to support a city.
Yes, there are parks but that’s about it. If you search on Google, places to visit in BBSR, you will ONLY get temples. And for youth, going to temples as a place to visit is not really cool. Roaming around in the city, you can feel the suffocation of being in landlocked city. The lack of fresh air, the lack of the cool sea-breeze, the lack of places where people can flock to.
Staying in Mumbai, all of these startups and food places were second nature. They complimented the real beauty of Mumbai, which was the shoreline. You can see from the locations of these food stalls and the various businesses, how they had strategically planned to place themselves along the seaface, or near it. The best locations in Mumbai are often near the sea, even if they are not directly sea-facing.
In Bhubaneswar, it feels woefully inadequate. If you ask anyone in Bhubaneswar, they’ll give you the address of a pub, of some nightlife, so great restaurant. But frankly, coming off 5-star hotels and some of the best street eateries in the country, all of this doesn’t excite me at all. Bhubaneswar feels woefully underdeveloped, even though its infrastructure is commendable.
But unfortunately, for me, at this point in my life, I can’t even experience the low pollution. Part of it is due to my handicap, where all of a sudden, I find me tied down to the house or the nearby vicinity. I’m still not adjusted to just being around in the house all day. I have almost never stayed in the house for more than a week, it’s just unheard of for me. But I think it’s close to a year that I’ve been ‘house-arrested’. And it can get frustrating quite a lot.
There’s a limit to what you can do at home, in front of the computer, in terms of meeting the same people every day etc. It gets frustrating very soon. But I am happy about one thing, I’ve started to use the prosthetic a lot more. I’ve started feeling much more comfortable, wearing the prosthetic even if it's just four an hour, which is exactly the situation I am in right now.
The issue with the prosthetic is that it feels like a hot Blazer on a summer day on my leg. As uncomfortable as that makes you feel you also have to consider the 80+ kgs of weight on top of the prosthetic. And the prosthetic pushes up. It’s not comfortable, it’s definitely not as easy as it looks on the outside. But there’s no other option. I wish, as I thought after my accident, a prosthetic leg would mean something like it’s directly embedded into my body, make me much more comfortable, I guess?
But from my recent experiences, I am sure that would pose even more problems. Prosthetic science, I would say is still underdeveloped, mostly because
It’s biology and a very small market compared to the bigger world
There’s not much intention to see rapid development in the industry.
Maybe the technology just isn’t there yet.
I can see a future, maybe 50 years from now, where prosthetic implants cause no problems to the average body. They are seamless and more importantly, much more comfortable for the person. It’s a slow and painful adjusting process, but there’s no alternative.
But I do feel empowered. Every time I wear the prosthetic, there’s this empowerment feeling wherein you know you can do 80% of the stuff, at least in the house for now, that you used to be able to do earlier with two legs.
I can make my own coffee, yesterday I cleaned out and organized my closet. I do have some small stuff to do in terms of the closet, but it’s still an impressive feat that I could do something like that. On the outside, I think I’m ready to stay alone, but that leaves the lingering question, what happens when I fall down.
Cause when you are a lower limb amputee especially, the biggest question most often in your mind is: What if I fall down?
That’s the question with which your relationship with your prosthetic begins. Over time, you trust the prosthetic, you allow it to guide you. You allow it to take your weight, to be there for you.
But inevitably, there will be one day, today or tomorrow, when you fall. It might not be because of the prosthetic. More often, it’ll be because you lost your balance whil enot wearing aprostehtic.
That is especially a problem for me because my left knee is also weak. Adding undue pressure on the left kneewill make it more vulnerable, will make it impossible to stand an walk normally. So that’s a lingering question in the back of my mind. But it’s been more than year and I’ve not fallen down. I slipped once, and that was bad, resulting in another surgery, but I have not lost my balance and fallen down.
I am ready to take the next step, more than willing to be honest. But my parents and my brother, I think, might not be ready to let me go.
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